It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
