Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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