Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
