At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize