bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
