i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
