Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.

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(301): View more from Maryland

she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break

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(843): View more from South Carolina

You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day

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(509): View more from Washington

I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.

(609): View more from New Jersey

That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?

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(657): View more from California

He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"

(818): View more from California

this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!

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(515): View more from Iowa

I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month

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(919): View more from North Carolina

We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Dude... this pee is not alleged

(774): View more from Massachusetts

YOU SAT ON MY LAP!

(732): View more from New Jersey

Wuddup pee lap

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