she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
