I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
