She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm like, not good at living.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize