i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
