1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
