peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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