MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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