somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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