I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
