They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I stole a fireplace last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
