you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
