I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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