He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize