The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
