What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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