"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
