I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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