im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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