I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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