We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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