Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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