Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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