Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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