Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

I could have mohawked her pubes.

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(937): View more from Ohio

We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve

Fav 21 1304 4178
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.

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(251): View more from Alabama

i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.

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(435): View more from Utah

I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.

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(310): View more from California

I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...

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(815): View more from Illinois

Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.

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