We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
