Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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