so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
