Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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