How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
