having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
