Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
