i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
