shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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