allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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