and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
