At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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