Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I deserve this hangover.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
