Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
