Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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