I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
