so explain again why im purple
no
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
