Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
