i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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