People in love make me want to vomit
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
