I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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