I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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