oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
