it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
