Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
