I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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