im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize