is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They took my balls.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
