Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
