He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
