I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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