If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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