...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
