i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Come on in and take your pants off
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