College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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