Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my shit smells like andre
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
