Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
