i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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