Whod you bang
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
