:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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